Difference Between Civilian & Military Friends?

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Get upset if you are too busy to talk to them for a week.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Are glad to see you after many years; and will happily carry on the same conversation you were having last time you met.

 CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
 MILITARY FRIENDS: Are the reason you have no food.

 CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr and Mrs.
 MILITARY FRIENDS: Call your parents Mum and Dad.

 CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
 MILITARY FRIENDS: Cry with you.

 CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Borrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
 MILITARY FRIENDS: Keep your stuff so long they forget it is yours.

 CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
 MILITARY FRIENDS: Could write a book with a shed full of direct quotes from you.

 CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that is what the crowd is doing.
 MILITARY FRIENDS: Will kick the backsides of whole crowds that left you behind.

 CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Share a few experiences.
 MILITARY FRIENDS: Share a lifetime of experiences no civilian could ever dream of.


 CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will talk crap to the person who talks crap about you.
 MILITARY FRIENDS: Will knock the crap out of people who use your name in vain.

 CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Are for a while.
 MILITARY FRIENDS: Are for life.

CIVILIAN FRIENDS: Will ignore this.
MILITARY FRIENDS: Will forward this to their military mates. (Done)

Basic Military Laws III

1. Tracers work both ways. 
2. When in doubt, empty your magazine.
3. Military Intelligence is a contradiction.
4. Mines are equal opportunity weapons. 
5. The side with the simplest uniforms wins.
6. If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything. 
7. Professional soldiers are predictable; the world is full  of dangerous amateurs. 
8. The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired.
9. The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass. 
10. The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator. 
11. Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps   (Not applicable on USA/NATO).

Basci Military Laws - II

1. There is no such place as a convenient foxhole.
2. The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small.
3. The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the G-3.
4. Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together.
5. Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target.
6. Your bivouac for the night is the spot where you got tired of marching that day.
7. Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching. 
8. The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range.
9. If you enter CO's office with an idea, most likely, you will leave his office with the CO's idea.
10. If you have a personality conflict with your superior:  he has the personality, you have the conflict.
11. To steal information from a person is called plagiarism. To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence.

Basic Military Laws

1. The easy way is always mined. 
2. Incoming fire has the right of way.
3. If the enemy is within range, so are you.
4. Five second fuses always burn three seconds. 
5. No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection. 
6. Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself. 
7. Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.
8. Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at. 
9. If you are short of everything but the enemy, you are in the combat zone. 
10. The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
11. Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo and not want to waste a bullet on you. 

Murphy's Laws III

1. You will always find something in the last place you look.
2. A falling object will always land where it can do the most damage.
3. A valuable dropped item will always fall into an inaccessible place.
4. You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.
5. If you are looking for more than one thing, you'll find the most important one last.
6. A shatterproof object will always fall on the only surface hard enough to crack or break it.
7. A paint drip will always find the hole in the newspaper and land on the carpet underneath.
8. It is never in the last place you look. It is in the first place you look, but never discovered on the first attempt.
9. After you bought a replacement for something you've lost and searched for everywhere, you'll find the original.
10. No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.
11. Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten.

Murphy's Laws II

1. The other line always moves faster.
2. When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.
3. Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
4. Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.
5. Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.
6. If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.
7. Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.
8. Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.
9. There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.
10. Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.
11. In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

Murphy's Laws

1. Nothing is as easy as it looks.
2. Every solution breeds new problems.
3. Everything takes longer than you think.
4. Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
5. Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.
6. It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.
7. If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
8. When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
9. No matter how perfect things are made to appear, Murphy's law will take effect and screw it up.
10. If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
11. If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.